Once I was on a plane and a woman said to me, 'Now, what's the matter with my tomatoes?' And I said, 'Well, it's a bit difficult to see from here.' She took offence and said, 'I was only trying to be friendly.'
Alan TitchmarshI think I was always realistic - well, not the Percy thing, that was ridiculous - but I never dreamed of being a racing car driver or anything.
Alan TitchmarshI get up to 400 letters a week, so I have a full-time PA, but I try to answer everything. People don't seem to realise that if they send something living in the post it's going to die on the way. Especially when you wrap it in a polythene bag.
Alan TitchmarshIt's never much fun at school - it's just dates. Then as you get older, for some reason, you get more interested.
Alan Titchmarsh