Will I have to use a dictionary to read your book?" asked Mrs. Dodypol. "It depends," says I, "how much you used the dictionary before you read it.

The parrot holds its food for prim consumption as daintily as any debutante, [with] a predilection for pot roast, hashed-brown potatoes, duck skin, butter, hoisin sauce, sesame seed oil, bananas and human thumb.

New Hampshire has always been cheap, mean, rural, small-minded, and reactionary. It's one of the few states in the nation with neither a sales tax nor an income tax. Social services are totally inadequate there, it ranks at the bottom in state aid to education--the state is literally shaped like a dunce cap--and its medical assistance program is virtually nonexistent. Expecting aid for the poor there is like looking for an egg under a basilisk.... The state encourages skinflints, cheapskates, shutwallets, and pinched little joykillers who move there as a tax refuge to save money.

It's true, you can never eat a pet you name. And anyway, it would be like a ventriloquist eating his dummy.

The ears, which master the face of a dunce, are that part of the head which most publishes stupidity.

I hate injustice, I despise inequity, I condemn hypocrisy, I abhor the lack of reason.

I kneel to my Lord because I am such a failure. I pray, I hope, I look to the Gospels.