You shoot saltwater in your ass?

My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.

I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.

Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?

I'm not sure I'd classify any topics as off-limits, but I don't look for new territories to offend. There's my joke about when my roommate beat cancer. People talk about cancer survivors like they're warriors, but from where I was sitting, she was just watching television and eating soup. Like, did she go to war? No. She kind of just sat around.

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.