Stealing to eat ain’t criminal—stealing to be rich is.

I don't take advances for my books.

Two rules: You enter without breaking. And you remember that nobody misses what you don't take.

Most investigators don't even know what the word means. You stop the cops from using informants and the only crimes they'd ever solve would be those by deranged postal workers who come to work once too often.

The Humane Society of America thinks Michael Vick should have a dog. I think whoever's in charge there should have a lobotomy.

No politician is threatened by the child protective constituency, because it does not exist.

When you hunt predators, the best camouflage is weakness.