The key to the U.N.'s global warming study was man's use of aerosol spray. You have to know the French were involved in a study concluding that Arrid Extra Dry is destroying the Earth. In a world in which everyone smelled, the French would be at no disadvantage. Aerosol spray. How convenient.

We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States.

Don't make the mistake, America, of voting for Barack Obama who, by the way, does not come out of the American black experience and everything white Americans feel guilty about. He's a Hawaiian born in 1961.

I'd pretty much debate anybody. I prefer to debate smart liberals. I'm not saying this about Stephen Colbert but, unfortunately, the most famous liberals generally aren't the smartest ones. I have a list of the smarter liberals I recommend.

You want to be careful not to become just a blowhard.

If we had complete knowledge, you wouldn't need any intelligence gathering whatsoever. The president isn't god. We do have intelligence gathering.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm a middle-of-the-road moderate and the rest of you are crazy.