But liberals love to drape themselves in decades-old glories they had nothing to do with.

The most we can hope for is strong marriages. Married women vote Republican; single women vote Democratic.

Democrats should run Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for president. He's more coherent than Dennis Kucinich, he dresses like their base, he's more macho than John Edwards, and he's willing to show up at a forum where he might get one hostile question - unlike the current Democratic candidates for president who won't debate on Fox News Channel. He's not married to an impeached president, and the name Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is surely no more frightening than B. Hussein Obama.

Yes, of course, black Americans are a special group, and I'm disappointed that they're not Republicans, given our traditions. We're not getting much love in return, despite our efforts.

Why not go to war just for oil? We need oil. What do Hollywood celebrities imagine fuels their private jets? How do they think their cocaine is delivered to them?

This is the difference between conservatives and liberals. Liberals want justices to vote a certain way. We, conservatives, want a particular legal philosophy, a philosophy for how to interpret the Constitution.

We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.