Where there's smoke around a conservative, there are journalists furiously rubbing two sticks together.

Liberals can't just come out and say, they want to take more of our money, kill babies, and discriminate on the basis of race.

There were precisely two groups of people who desperately wanted airport security to be browbeaten into giving suspicious passengers a pass: terrorists and Democrats.

My track record is pretty good on predictions.

The only question I'd be interested in is what books other celebrities have read recently, which is part of my campaign to promote reading.

I rely heavily on Thomas Sowell's magnificent book, Black Rednecks, White Liberals. He points out that blacks in the North perform better, academically, than whites in the South where they did not have much of an emphasis on learning. But please note that I'm not the one making that argument in that section about Michael Moore. And by the way, I'm not a man. White men have done a lot. It's silly to write a book titled, Stupid White Men.

We have way too many lawyers, the price for them has plummeted and you will have a miserable and unsatisfying life. Unless you get into Harvard Law. You could be in a yurt on the Mongolian Plateau and they'll say, "Oh you must be smart. You went to Harvard Law."