There is a growing body of evidence that radiation in excess of what the government says are the minimum amounts we should be exposed to are actually good for you and reduce cases of cancer.

What liberals mean by 'goose-stepping' or 'ethnic cleansing' is generally something along the lines of 'eliminating taxpayer funding for the National Endowment for the Arts.' But they can't say that, or people would realize they're crazy.

My hobby (politics) has become my life. I have the greatest life imaginable. I think I have a greater life than anyone in the universe, in fact.

Conservatives have a problem with women. For that matter, all men do.

I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

If you want to find the cool, anti-establishment rebels who don't answer to The Man on college campuses today, you have to go to a meeting of the College Republicans. They are rebelling against at least 99 percent of their professors.

At every other workplace in the nation - even Mal-Mart! - workers are being laid off. But no one at any of the bloated government bureaucracies ever need fear receiving a pink slip. All 64,750 employees at the department of Health and Human Services are apparently absolutely crucial to the smooth functioning of the department.