Teenagers who do not go to church are adored by God, but they don't get to meet some of the people who love God back.

I go to church every Sunday, which is like going to the gas station once a week and really, really filling up.

And my fear of failure has been lifelong and deep. If you are what you do- and I think my parents may have accidentally given me this idea- and you do poorly, what then? It’s over; you’re wiped out. All those prophecies you heard in the dark have come true, and people can see the real you, see what a schmendrick you are, what a fraud.

My idea of everything going smoothly on an airplane is (a) that I not die in a slow-motion fiery crash or get stabbed to death by terrorists and (b) that none of the other passengers try to talk to me. All conversation should end at the moment the wheels leave the ground.

I naturally prefer the company of people who hold grudges, as long as they are not held against me.

Now, if you ask me, what’s going on is that we’re all up to here in it, and probably the most important thing is that we not yell at one another.

At our most primitive we are storytellers and dancers.