At the end of a dinner at my house, my kitchen sink is filled with dishes and there's nothing pretty about the garbage.

My house is run, essentially, by an adopted, fully clawed cat with a mean nature.

For their own good, vegetarians should never be allowed near fine beers and ales. It will only make them loud and belligerent, and they lack the physical strength and aggressive nature to back up any drunken assertions.

Everything important I learned, I learned as a dishwasher.

I go anywhere I want, do whatever I want when I get there, they let me make self-indulgent TV about that experience, and give me about as much creative freedom as anyone's ever had in the history of television.

A good, stinky French cheese or a good Stilton. These are things I really, really love. Dessert I can obviously live without.

I won't eat in a restaurant with filthy bathrooms. This isn't a hard call. They let you see the bathrooms. If the restaurant can't be bothered to replace the puck in the urinal or keep the toilets and floors clean, then just imagine what their refrigeration and work spaces look like.