If, however, you have richer pursuits in mind and know that no woman should be judged by how she looks - that everything she brings to the party is more important than the size of her arse - then refuse to be sucked into the never ending whirligig of self-doubting, self-hating madness that is stop-start dieting and crazy new exercise regimes.

Sending your child off to school for the first time in their life is terrifying.

I'm the co-chair of the PTA at my kids' school, Ashmount Primary, in north Islington, London.

I spent my entire childhood living abroad because of my father's occupation, so we were on long-haul flights all the time.

My parents both had Oxford degrees, they read important books, spoke foreign languages, drank real coffee and went to museums for pleasure. People like that don't have fat kids: they were cut out to be winners and winners don't have children who are overweight.

I was accorded the opportunity to learn by failing - albeit at the cost of a few honourable teachers' sanity - and now I realise what a rare and incredible luxury that is.

Does everyone turn into a truculent thirteen-year-old when they go home, or is it just me?