Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets - unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel. Then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets - unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel. Then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

Just open your heart man and accept that people are gay. Thousands, probably millions of people are gay. And until we find a cure - we will practice unconditional love and tolerance towards these people. And we will let them get married because they're easier to track that way.

The other day I saw a guy with a sign that said, WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY? Which freaked me out because I was on my way to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

I was high on life but eventually I built up a tolerance.

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

It's too difficult to convey tone in electronic communication. And we can solve this my friends. All we need is some new fonts. 'Great party Arj. Best party ever.' What a jerk! How do you know he wasn't being sincere, Arj? Because he wrote it in Sarcastica! If he had enjoyed himself, he would have used Good Times Roman.