Raising Black children — female and male — in the mouth of a racist, sexist, suicidal dragon is perilous and chancy. If they cannot love and resist at the same time, they will probably not survive. And in order to survive they must let go. This is what mothers teach — love, survival — that is, self-definition and letting go.

Guilt and defensiveness are bricks in a wall against which we all flounder; they serve none of our futures.

If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive

Next time, ask: What's the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare.

There are no honest poems about dead women.

Even the smallest victory is never to be taken for granted. Each victory must be applauded.

I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.