Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.

I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes.

The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths.

You must never allow something that happened to you to become a morbidly treasured heirloom that you carry, show people, put back in its black velvet pouch and then tuck back into your jacket where you can keep it close to your heart.

Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her.

When I ate vanilla frosting straight from the can, I could feel God standing right nest to me like a real best friend, watching, and smiling, and wishing he had a mouth.

I was struck with a bolt of distilled horror like I have never known before. Far worse than suddenly finding yourself walking through a prison cafeteria wearing Daisy Duke shorts and a Jane Fonda headband.