Everybody in recovery smokes. If you don't like smoking, don't even bother trying to get sober. Just stay drunk.
Augusten BurroughsOur lives are one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity.
Augusten BurroughsAnd I began to let him go. Hour by hour. Days into months. It was a physical sensation, like letting out the string of a kite. Except that the string was coming from my center.
Augusten BurroughsAnd in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.
Augusten BurroughsWhen I ate vanilla frosting straight from the can, I could feel God standing right nest to me like a real best friend, watching, and smiling, and wishing he had a mouth.
Augusten BurroughsThink of the actual physical elements that compose our bodies: we are 98 percent hydrogen and oxygen and carbon. That's table sugar. You are made of the same stuff as table sugar. Just a couple of tiny differences here and there and look what happened to the sugar: it can stand upright and send tweets.
Augusten Burroughs