...handsome people are always interesting to watch. But a handsome person in crisis is riveting.

It terrified me to consider: What if, as a grown-up, I craved another body beside me as still as this one? What then?

My parents had this relationship that was really terrifying. I mean, the level of hatred that they had, and the level of physical abuse - my mother would beat up my father, basically - and I think I was drawn to images on television that were bright and reflective.

I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.

Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her.

But I can also write in crappy motel rooms, while standing in line, or sitting in the dentist's chair.

Optimism sprouts from the knowledge that you are in control of your own life, not your past and not those around you. Part of being in control is taking responsibility for how you feel. This means not just admitting to uncomfortable feelings but then examining your circumstances to see what can be done to change these feelings at the source.