The internet was supposed to liberate knowledge, but in fact it buried it, first under a vast sewer of ignorance, laziness, bigotry, superstition and filth and then beneath the cloak of political surveillance. Now...cyberspace exists exclusively to promote commerce, gossip and pornography. And of course to hunt down sedition. Only paper is safe. Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar, you have to hold it, you have to read it.

I think it is very difficult to legislate for morality.

The Germans are a cruel race. Their operas last for six hours and they have no word for fluffy.

The worst thing about being a great power is when you're not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.

You're mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund

And roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is my personal signature dish.

If I did things for the money, I'd have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and 'Police Academy 6,' which I was asked to write.