The Germans are a cruel race. Their operas last for six hours and they have no word for fluffy.

The worst thing about being a great power is when you're not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.

Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.

My advice to anyone adapting a novel is that once they've read it and learnt to understand it, then they must throw it away and never look at it again!

And roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is my personal signature dish.

You're mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund

If I did things for the money, I'd have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and 'Police Academy 6,' which I was asked to write.