Your best investment is to pour your purse into your head, and no one can take it away from you.

If we can sleep without dreaming, it is well that painful dreams are avoided. If, while we sleep, we can have any pleasing dreams, it is as the French say, tant gagne, so much added to the pleasure of life.

A father's a treasure; a brother's a comfort; a friend is both.

He [the Rev. Mr. Whitefield] used, indeed, sometimes to pray for my conversion, but never had the satisfaction of believing that his prayers were heard.

Let every fart count as a peal of thunder for liberty. Let every fart remind the nation of how much it has let pass out of its control. It is a small gesture, but one that can be very effective - especially in a large crowd. So fart, and if you must, fart often. But always fart without apology. Fart for freedom, fart for liberty - and fart proudly.

There's many witty men whose brains can't fill their bellies.

...till we are uneasy in Rest, we can have no Desire to move, and without Desire of moving there can be no voluntary Motion.