Censor: A self-appointed snoophound who sticks his nose in other people's business.

TV's sameness has destroyed many things, such as the American urge toward independent thought.

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he's a college professor!

I don't stutter when I talk to God. He loves me.

Reading is a pleasure of the mind, which means that it is a little like a sport: your eagerness and knowledge and quickness count for something. The fun of reading is not that something is told to you, but that you stretch your mind. Your own imagination works along with the authors, or even goes beyond his, yields the same or different conclusions, and your ideas develop as you understand his.