I was born fat and have always been, which was just fine and even healthy and cute until I turned ten or so. Puberty hit like a hurricane and brought a new set of rules. All of a sudden it was my fault I was chubby.

My number-one theory in life is that style is proportional to your lack of resources - the less you have, the more stylish you're likely to be.

I thought to be feminine was to give in to straight culture, or the beauty standard, but in my heart I had a flair for fashion and style. They were passions I kept secret because I didn't understand I could love clothes and hair and makeup and still like girls.

The shape is the most important to me because it is what really matters and what's really missing in the market. Anything else is easier.

Just like my straight friends, I am repeatedly asked when I plan to have kids, and have been told many times, by various branches of my bloodline, that "even lesbians can have babies these days."

I don't get mad with people, like, 'Oh, but that's not what the song was about...' It's also nice to know that people are mindlessly dancing to a song about the US Government's stance on same-sex marriages... especially straight jocks. I love that idea. I think that's the beauty of music - it's different for everybody.

Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film Funny Girl at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace.