If someone were to say seriously, "I'm divine," she'd have to be locked up. There are lots of people in mental institutions going around saying "I'm God." But because I'm funny about it, they haven't locked me up yet. And I don't give myself airs, either.

Do I understand this right? I'm being marked down?

If you pick up a ukulele, it will make you unbelievably happy.

When I finally did stop and look at my life, I realized that I had done what I'd set out to do. In my pitiful little way, I had climbed the mountain I had chosen. And there I was, on top.

I wish America would spend even half as much time complaining about plastics in our oceans as we do about actresses' plastic surgery.

For days on end, I would hardly speak, and when I did only the vilest sort of gibberish would spout forth. I became morose and fat. Unapproachable, except when eating - and then only by waiters.

I've forbidden my daughter to have grandchildren, I'm too young.