Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead.

When I awoke it was daylight. The inside of my tent was coated in a curious flaky rime, which I realized after a moment was all of my nighttime snores, condensed and frozen and pasted to the fabric, as if into a scrapbook of respiratory memories.

I come Des Moines. Somebody had to.

Everything seems to be designed for the benefit of the automobile and not the benefit of the human being.

My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can't make your children carry.

For most of us the rules of English grammar are at best a dimly remembered thing. But even for those who make the rules, grammatical correctitude sometimes proves easier to urge than to achieve. Among the errors cited in this book are a number committed by some of the leading authorities of this century. If men such as Fowler and Bernstein and Quirk and Howard cannot always get their English right, is it reasonable to expect the rest of us to?

It was an especially wonderful time to be a noisy moron.