I come from Des Moines. Someone had to.

Four times I was honked at for having the temerity to proceed through town without the benefit of metal.

When I was growing up I used to think that the best thing about coming from Des Moines was that it meant you didn't come from anywhere else in Iowa. By Iowa standards, Des Moines is a mecca of cosmopolitanism, a dynamic hub of wealth and education, where people wear three-piece suits and dark socks, often simultaneously.

I just use my life story as a kind of device on which to hang comic observations. It's not my interest or instinct to tell the world anything pertinent about myself or my family.

I can't fix the world. If you want to make a difference in life, you have to direct your energies in a focused way.

I see litter as part of a long continuum of anti-social behaviour.

I can't think of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are ignorant of almost everything.