I just use my life story as a kind of device on which to hang comic observations. It's not my interest or instinct to tell the world anything pertinent about myself or my family.

In a funny way, nothing makes you feel more like a native of your own country than to live where nearly everyone is not.

And before long there will be no more milk in bottles delivered to the doorstep or sleepy rural pubs, and the countryside will be mostly shopping centers and theme parks. Forgive me. I don't mean to get upset. But you are taking my world away from me, piece by little piece, and sometimes it just pisses me off. Sorry.

Everything seems to be designed for the benefit of the automobile and not the benefit of the human being.

Not writing the same kind of book over and over again is to me the real pleasure of what I do.

The great failure in education, much of the time, is the lack of excitement and stimulus

There are things you just can't do in life. You can't beat the phone company, you can't make a waiter see you until he's ready to see you, and you can't go home again.