I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.

It's better to just plough ahead. And if I say something they don't get, I just make fun of myself for assuming that everybody knows everything about where I live.

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.

[Nazi] copied stuff from us for their "final solution" but we get to walk around like we're the good guys.

I just do my act. If people in England don't get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

I never wanted to spend a month away from my life. One time I was out on the road for three weeks in a row and I when I came back someone had broken into my apartment and the water had evaporated from the toilet.