I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names... 'The Thing That Shouldn't Be'. 'The Chair That Wasn't There', you know?

I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Michael Price is the showrunner so nobody works harder than him.

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.