Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.

I am so tired of rearranging my life around what the stupidest people might do.

You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president.

African American Congressman Bobby Rush wore a hoodie on the floor of Congress to make a point this week. And they threw him out. They said a hoodie is too scary for Congress. Too scary? Have you ever looked into Michele Bachmann's eyes?

But I've often said that if I had – I have two dogs – if I had two retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing. What? They're sweet. They're loving. They're kind, but they don't mentally advance at all. Dogs are like retarded children.