The critics. When they're right, they're right for the wrong reasons. And they're usually wrong.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I go home and stay there. I wash and scrub up each day, and that's it. One month I actually grew a moustache, just so I could say that I'd done something.

We're Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.

I will be in Orlando during the atheist convention to do my best to counter the assaults upon Christ of the atheists. I also plan on running a large newspaper ad in the Orlando Sentinel addressed to the atheists and warning the Orlando area of the atheists' vile plans for their children.

You’ll never be good if you don’t know that you are.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.