Morocco is the greatest. I should be getting money from the Moroccans because I'm just telling everyone that it's a wonderful place to go.

The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

You had to keep the mood up; you had to keep the tempo up. You had to keep the feeling of, "Hey, we're doing something that's really exciting. It's fun being with these people." And the more fun you have, the better you do it.

The government can destroy wealth but it cannot create wealth, which is the product of labor and management working with creation.

The critics. When they're right, they're right for the wrong reasons. And they're usually wrong.

There are a lot of actors that are more talented than me at Second City who quit it before they even got to a paying status. Weird luck. I had no other option.