I like Barack Obama as a person and I think he is a sincere man. I think he and his wife conducted themselves magnificently in the White House. There's not a better role model for American kids to watch Barack and Michelle Obama, so all of that is off-the-chart positive.

It's just as much a stretch to believe in God as it is to be an Atheist

The truth is that many powerful guys have fooled around while working for the people. Dwight Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, and Warren Harding to name just a few. Grover Cleveland even fathered a child outside of marriage. We all know these things happen. But we don't want them to happen - at least most of us don't. I can't speak for San Francisco.

I've been to Africa three times. All right? You can't bring Western reasoning into the culture. The same way you can't bring it into fundamental Islam.

Jesus of Nazareth was the most famous human being who ever lived on this planet, and he had no infrastructure, and it's never been done. He had no government, no PR guy, no money, no structure. He had nothing, yet he became the most famous human being ever.

I've got nothing against gay marriage, it's not my issue. All right, I want homosexual Americans to be happy and to pursue happiness.

You know what's really frightening? You (Jon Stewart) actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary, but it's true. You've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night and they can vote.