In a country where people's attention span is short and they are holding the clicker in their hand, and they got a hundred other options, you have to basically understand what the audience is responding to. If you don't, you're going to fail.

You know what's really frightening? You (Jon Stewart) actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary, but it's true. You've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night and they can vote.

You must know the difference between dissent from the Iraq war and the war on terror and undermining it. And any American that undermines that war, with our soldiers in the field, or undermines the war on terror, with 3,000 dead on 9/11, is a traitor. Everybody got it? Dissent, fine; undermining, you're a traitor. Got it? So, all those clowns over at the liberal radio network, we could incarcerate them immediately. Will you have that done, please? Send over the FBI and just put them in chains, because they, you know, they're undermining everything and they don't care, couldn't care less.

The chief al Qaeda recruiting tool is the net.

Oregon is outflanking California as the most left wing state in the union.

I figure you give Donald trump two years to see if his approach works, the business rather than the political approach. You'll see at the end of two years if new jobs are being created, money flow comes back from overseas, all of that, the immigration chaos subsides. You got to give him two years, but I think I know what he's trying to do and you know we'll watch it.

Yeah, I'm obnoxious, yeah, I cut people off, yeah, I'm rude. You know why? Because you're busy.