I have ten commandments. The first nine are, thou shalt not bore. The tenth is, thou shalt have right of final cut.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

I am big. It's the pictures that got small.

Film’s thought of as a director’s medium because the director creates the end product that appears on the screen. It’s that stupid auteur theory again, that the director is the author of the film. But what does the director shoot-the telephone book? Writers became much more important when sound came in, but they’ve had to put up a valiant fight to get the credit they deserve.

An actor entering through the door, you've got nothing. But if he enters through the window, you've got a situation.

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but a thousand imbeciles together in the dark - that is critical genius.

Jerry: Oh, you don't understand, Osgood! Ehhhh... I'm a man. Osgood: Well, nobody's perfect.