August in Florida is God's way of reminding us who's in charge.

Heads of warring nations could learn a lot about how to achieve lasting peace by watching dogs and cats who live in the same house.

I love the unabashed over-buttered, over-creamed, deep-fried, gooey, over-sugared excessiveness of Amish food.

I always see to the dogs first and leave the cats and the occasional birds and rabbits and hamsters for later. It isn't that I play favorites, it's just that dogs are needier than other pets. Leave a dog alone for very long and it'll start going a little nuts. Cats, on the other hand, try to give you the impression that they didn't even notice you were gone. Oh, were you out? they'll say, I didn't notice. Then they'll raise their tails to show you their little puckered anuses and walk away.

They say God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I think God has overestimated what I can take.

August in Florida is God's way of reminding us who's in charge.

Perfume companies ought to bottle the smell of crisp bacon. Forget pheromones. I’ll bet a woman with a little spot of bacon grease behind her ears would attract every male within a five-mile radius.