I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed.

Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. To last as long as I did with the skills I had, with the numbers I produced, was a triumph of the human spirit.

Sporting goods companies pay me not to endorse their products.

I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career - anything for a laugh.

Sure, women sportswriters look when they're in the clubhouse. Read their stories. How else do you explain a capital letter in the middle of a word?

Between me and my roommate, we've hit 400 Major League home runs.

People don't know this, but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant. I came down with hepatitis. The trainer injected me with it!