People don't know this, but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant. I came down with hepatitis. The trainer injected me with it!

Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. To last as long as I did with the skills I had, with the numbers I produced, was a triumph of the human spirit.

I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed.

The highlight of my baseball career came in Philadelphia's Connie Mack Stadium when I saw a fan fall out of the upper deck. When he got up and walked away, the crowd booed.

I had been playing for a while, and I asked Louisville Slugger to send me a dozen flame treated bats. But when I got it, I realized they had sent me a box of ashes.

You know, I was once named Minor League Player of the Year...unfortunately, I had been in the majors for two years at the time.

Between me and my roommate, we've hit 400 Major League home runs.