My kids used to do things to aggravate me, too. I'd take them to a game, and they'd want to come home with a different player.

I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff.

I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career - anything for a laugh.

I remember one time I'm batting against the Dodgers in Milwaukee. They lead, 2 - 1, it's the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, two out and the pitcher has a full count on me. I look over to the Dodger dugout and they're all in street clothes.

The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up.

Let's face it. Umpiring is not an easy or happy way to make a living. In the abuse they suffer, and the pay they get for it, you see an imbalance that can only be explained by their need to stay close to a game they can't resist.

The biggest thrill a ballplayer can have is when your son takes after you. That happened when my Bobby was in his championship Little League game. He really showed me something. Struck out three times. Made an error that lost the game. Parents were throwing things at our car and swearing at us as we drove off. Gosh, I was proud.