One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of unlikely situation. For example: The retarded gynecologist, the retarded Jesus, the retarded Osama Bin Laden. It works. It's funny. Inappropriate? I dunno. I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of what crosses the line of good taste being that I am retarded. Socially perhaps, but severly retarded.

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

My sister might be dumb, but that doesn't make her all that different from the rest of us. She's just like any other American. Except she's Canadian. And retarded.

When you're pregnant, people feel like they can come up and give you unsolicited advice. When I was nine months pregnant, this one woman came up and she said, I have one word for you: epidural. And I was like, Oh my God, thanks. But we already picked a name.

I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.

Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out.

Just a tip if you have a big event to go to or an important meeting, if you cry enough your face swells up giving you a temporary lift.