If God is a crutch, then atheism is a coma.

The truth is supposed to hurt. That's how it lets you know you don't got it.

We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth. Or, I've got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth.

I don't hate cats...as long as they stay on the freeway, where they belong.

They got special terms that they use when they're pregnant. They don't even say pregnant, got special words they use - I'm expecting. Expecting what? I'm expecting a child, silly. Well, then, you probably got a good shot!

Conservative concepts believe in little government - take care of yourself, and that makes men who invent things like the constitution! Liberal thought has big government - we'll take care of you - and that creates boys and they create things like Occupy Wall Street! There's a difference between the way men and boys behave.

Get out of our schools God, get out of our textbooks God, get out of our government God, go away God, go away God, go away God, Katrina hits, God, where are you?