If God is a crutch, then atheism is a coma.

They got special terms that they use when they're pregnant. They don't even say pregnant, got special words they use - I'm expecting. Expecting what? I'm expecting a child, silly. Well, then, you probably got a good shot!

Conservative concepts believe in little government - take care of yourself, and that makes men who invent things like the constitution! Liberal thought has big government - we'll take care of you - and that creates boys and they create things like Occupy Wall Street! There's a difference between the way men and boys behave.

I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him.

The wussification of America is killing us by teaching us to censor ourselves from what we believe. That's why I want to see political correctness die in my lifetime, but first... I want to watch it suffer.

When you're at a comedy club, if you're not funny, you don't work. People will let you know, whether it's by booing or yelling for you to get out of the club. People are drunk or whatever and they'll let you have it.

The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. If someone says, You offended me then you say I don't care! If they're offended by the truth, that's their issue!