I now realize that a broken back, failed surgery, and Stage IV cancer are three of the greatest things that ever happened to me. Three of the most positive, transformative things that ever happened to me. They helped me become a vastly better person than I ever was, and I am eternally grateful for that.

I was charging forward too hard, into too many war zones, working too long, drinking too heavily, pushing forward, pushing forward. And who knows, had this not happened, maybe I would have been one of the casualties as a journalist covering the war. Who knows, maybe I would have been captured and tortured somewhere along the line, because I always pushed things to the limit.

I remind myself that I don't have the ability to completely manipulate reality to be exactly what I want it to be.

My first epiphany that this might work came on my first day, when I went into biofeedback. They hooked me up to computers through electrodes, put me in a comfortable lounge chair, put an eye pillow over my face, slipped speakers onto my head and played an audio guided visualization.

I feel vulnerable every day to the grace of God as expressed in every living thing.

I went through the same process when I sort of addressed in my practice cancer next, when I began all the veganism and the fasting and the purifications. Part of that was just gratitude, expressing gratitude, thank you, thank you.

I feel positive when I feel vulnerable, because it's another reminder that it's not all about me and about my ego.