You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars! I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars... cltaning, who KNOWS how many knives!?

I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve.

You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage usually, but offstage sometimes I might.

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

I took a speed reading course and my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute, but my comprehension plummeted.

Sometimes you'll play, like, a large venue - maybe an outdoor venue or something - where it's so big that you can see all of the disinterested people. You see the audience, but then behind the audience you see people eating ice cream, going for a walk.

The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my eyes and ears open and have new stuff.