I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve.

You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage usually, but offstage sometimes I might.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting.

I took a speed reading course and my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute, but my comprehension plummeted.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

The bigger the show, the weirder it is.