A library in the middle of a community is a cross between an emergency exit, a life raft and a festival.

If I'm going to spunk £500 on a pair of designer shoes, it's going to be a pair that I can a) dance to 'Bad Romance' in and b) will allow me to run away from a murderer, should one suddenly decide to give chase.

I wrote my first book at eight, all of four pages. At 10, I did a 40-page story. At 12, I wrote two stage plays.

In the end I want to spend my 60s writing bonkbusters like Jilly Cooper.

You can always tell when a woman is with the wrong man, because she has so much to say about the fact that nothing's happening.

I don't want children anyway,' Caz says. 'So I'm getting nothing out of this whatsoever. I want my entire reproductive system taken out, and replaced with spare lungs, for when I start smoking. I want that option. This is pointless.

I love puffins. They are small, round gothic birds, and their babies are called pufflings.