Never feel this bad again. Never come back to this place, where only a knife will do. Live a gentle and kind life. Don't do things that make you want to hurt yourself.

When I talk to girls, they go, 'I'm not a feminist.' And I say: 'What? You don't want to vote? Do you want to be owned by your husband? Do you want your money from your job to go into his bank account? If you were raped, do you still want that to be a crime? Congratulations : you are a feminist.'

I can only work between the hours of 8:30 and 4:30, because that's when the kids are at school. So I get to do all my work and have all of my fun in that time, which means just sitting on a chair, typing, alternately clicking between writing a column and being on Twitter, and smoking as many cigarettes as I can before my lungs give out.

I just want Tina Fey to be my best friend. And Lena Dunham. And Oprah, too.

I hate that tabloid idea of anybody who is famous having to forfeit their privacy.

A male feminist is one of the most glorious end-products of evolution.

And every book, you find, has its own social group--friends of its own it wants to introduce you to, like a party in the library that need never, ever end.