If you can find a frock you look nice in and can run up three flights of stairs, you're not fat.

If you do it properly, life is art, really.

When I hear women talking about how their wedding is going to be/was the best day of their life, I can’t help but think, You just haven’t taken enough MDMA in a field at 3 a.m., love.

In the end I want to spend my 60s writing bonkbusters like Jilly Cooper.

Life divides into amazing enjoyable times and appalling experiences that will make future amazing anecdotes.

But as the years went on, I realised that what I really want to be, all told, is a human. Just a productive, honest, courteously treated human.

I've generally got low levels of embarrassment.