Life is everything, and you haven't lived it properly until you believe.
I'd tried enough to know that anything long term wasn't going to work.
they worry about my sanity i join with them on that
Nobody can pretend to know what people want to read or hear or see. People rarely know it themselves; they only know it after the fact.
There is no advice that I can give you, you will just have to trust yourself that when the time comes, you'll make the right decision.
I think I need to face what I could have been in order to understand and accept what I am.