Her violence frightened me. She always claimed that I was the jealous one, and I was often jealous, but when I saw things working against me I simply became disgusted and withdrew. Lydia was different. She reacted. She was the Head Cheerleader at the Game of Violence.

when I was a boy I used to dream of becoming the village idiot. I used to lie in bed and imagine myself the happy idiot able to get food easily ...and easy sympathy, a planned confusion of not too much love or effort. some would claim that I have succeeded.

Parties sickened me. I hated the game-playing, the dirty play, the flirting, the amateurs drunks, the bores.

I want to let her know though that all the nights sleeping beside her even the useless arguments were things ever splendid and the hard words I ever feared to say can now be said: I love you.

We use such big words to move nowhere.

I never met another man I'd rather be. And even if that's a delusion, it's a lucky one.

I made practice runs down to skid row to get ready for my future.