I've instinctively hated the Tories since birth.

Your grades are not your destiny: they're just letters and numbers which rate how well you performed in one artificial arena, once.

When you're being earnest, people think you're being sarcastic and when you're being sarcastic, they think you're being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.

If technology is a drug – and it does feel like a drug – then what, precisely, are the side-effects?

[Worshipping God] is like fellating someone who intermittently stubs fags out on your head for no good reason. And we all know how unsatisfying that can be.

I'm more pro-technology than people probably realize.

I suppose kids probably know less boredom these days - or at least a different kind of boredom.