I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother.

There are times in your life when you feel like the dumbest man on the planet and you’re insecure about something, and then there are times where you feel like, “Hey, I’m a pretty smart guy and I’m pulling it together …”

Technically, I'm a New Yorker.

I think people are surprised when I string two sentences together. But I had a fiercely academic upbringing.

I have expanded my mind and destroyed my liver but I didn't give up.

I didn’t know that it was going to launch a quote-unquote comedic career. I just wanted to do anything other than wait tables.

Hot soup at table is very vulgar; it either leads to an unseemly mode of taking it, or keeps people waiting too long whilst it cools. Soup should be brought to table only moderately warm.