I've learned that the more people embrace their disadvantages, the less disadvantaged they become!

Sometimes you have good days, and sometimes you have bad days. It really depends on how much caffeine you've had.

Oh, I have this feud going with the L.A. Unified School District, because I keep getting these phone calls saying my daughter keeps missing classes, I mean, at all hours of the night, I had like, two calls this morning and I keep calling saying I haven't got a daughter!

I almost shat my pants. Literally, the floor was almost covered in my shat.

Woo! It's so cold, I think we may be twin sisters now," he said through rattling teeth.

I do better singing female songs because my voice is so high-pitched.

My life is an awkward visit from the kid's table while awaiting a History Channel special.